If It Weren't For My Parents, What Would I Know?

1. My parents taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If your going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.

2. My parents taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My parents taught LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My parents taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

6. My parents taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

7. My parents taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

8. My parents taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it."

9. My parents taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

10. My parents taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

11. My parents taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

12. My parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

13. My parents taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

14. My parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

15. My parents taught me GENETICS.
"Your just like your father."

16. My parents taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

17. My parents taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."